One of the difficulties about being diagnosed with a mental illness and told that your behaviour needs managing and you are unwell is that you look around and you can’t see any difference between the way you behave and the people around you.

I think that is why I was in denial about my mental illness for a long time.  Sure I had outbursts but everyone around me had outbursts.  Apparently mine are different!

Whilst thinking about this I wrote ‘In Search of Peace’.  Sometimes I long for peace, particularly when things are crazy in my own life.  Then I reflect on my loud, boisterous, raucous family – we’re not a picture of calm!  It raises questions and makes me conclude that we are all as crazy as each other!  (Don’t be angry at me family, I love you dearly!)

 

IN SEARCH OF PEACE

 

Every moment someone speaks

Or laughs

Or argues

Or turns the music louder.

 

Someone accuses another of a misdemeanour

Of mistreating feelings

Of pushing buttons that produces outbursts

Someone defends themselves

Rarely we apologise.

 

Laughter erupts often

We bang the table

Our glasses tremble

We run out of things to say

We repeat stories.

Before a lull descends

Changing the mood

We turn the TV louder.

 

Some of us shut our eyes

Some put headphones on

Some play on our phones

Some voices rumble on.

 

I was told not to speak

To sit quietly

To do nothing

Why do I shout, jump, sing, dance, scream?

We all do, where I’m from.

We interrupt silence

Disturb the peace

Use our voices to indicate our presence.

If I’m mad – we’re all mad!