Brighter Days are ahead
Thursday 10th October was World Mental Health Day. Are you familiar with the statistic that 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem each year?
I began to reflect on my mental health experiences. In 2008 I suffered a manic episode and was diagnosed with bipolar. Over the years I have kept my diagnosis quiet from friends, I’ve been prescribed medication for life, I’ve been sedated at least 3 times, been rushed to hospital and stayed overnight twice and spent one week on a mental health ward. I’ve seen psychotherapists and 5 counsellors for some period of time. I’ve been manic, depressed, tearful, hopeless , alone and I’ve cried myself to sleep for countless nights.
I look at my life now. I feel peace in my heart and in my head. I’m happy. I find plenty of things to laugh at and plenty of things that make me smile. I am blessed. I have a great family and friends. I do my best to achieve my goals and I make a good attempt at following a healthy lifestyle most of the time.
I still have bipolar which I take medication for. I’m now not ashamed to talk about it. I could fall ill at some point in the future but if that happens, I’d like to think that I’m better equipped at dealing with it.
I’d like to encourage people who are suffering with a mental illness. It will get better. You will smile again.
I wrote “Voices” during a period where I had several appointments at the mental health hospital. The appointments always started in the same way. I was asked:
* If I knew my name
* If I had suicidal thoughts or thoughts about hurting others
* If I heard voices
I always thought the ‘voices’ question was interesting. I didn’t hear voices in my head in the way the Doctors were alluding to but I could remember and hear the voices / messages of the most influential people in my life and the people who were present in my life at the time. This really struck me but I thought I’d keep this to myself. Sometimes you’re afraid to speak your mind at these kind of appointments in case anyone interprets your words and ideas as wacky and lock you up in a mental hospital!
Instead I wrote a poem about it.
Lots of love, take care of yourselves. Be kind to each other. Seek help when you need it. You can overcome any hard days / emotions / feelings
Voices
Jesus said “Love one antoher”
Daddy said “Don’t fight”
Mumma said “Look after your sister”
Sunday School teacher said “Spread the message of Jesus”
Classroom teacher said “Set a good example”
Elders said “Don’t speak until spoken to”
Brother said “Get out of my way”
Sister said “Don’t be selfish”
Parents said “Stay there”
Headmaster said “Don’t run”
Daddy said “Don’t touch”
Mumma said “Do what I tell you”
And I listened because I’m a good girl.
The students said “Don’t tell me what to do”
Headmistress said “That was poor”
The eccentric Algerian lady said “Pourquoi tu pleures – la vie est belle”
Doctor said “Don’t shout”
Speech therapist said “Don’t speak”
The psychotherapist said “I’ll get you some medicine, it’ll make you feel better”
The spiritual man said “Why don’t you meditate?”
The free-spirited teacher said “Why don’t you take opium?”
The fox said “Why don’t you go to South Korea?”
The holy man said “Why don’t you pray about it?”
The saints said “Keep fighting”
The beautiful angels said “Tell me your prayer requests”
Now mumma said “You’re not going to church?”
And daddy said “Why is she crying?”
And sister said “Shhhhhh”
And brother said nothing.
And the man said “hello”
And the guy said “Do you want to hang out?”
Then the random bloke said “Come on, you know you want to”
Distant relatives said “What church do you go to?”
And mumma said “You’re swearing now?”
And the boss said “You’re not smiling – have you got a headache?”
A friend said “You’ve changed”
Colleagues said “Blah, blah, blah…”
Personal Trainer said “Man up”
The haters said “She’s gone crazy”
The onlookers said “She’s gone mad”
The perceptive girl said “Have you got split personality?”
I said “Mumma said knock you out!!”
And mumma said “That’s not what I said!!”
My cousin said “You know I worry, I’m your cousin”
My uncle said “You’re special”
The girls said “This world is crazy, not you!”
My sisters said “Lean on me”
My brothers said “You’re amazing”
And Frankie said “Relax”
Daddy said “Dame un beso”
Mumma said “Let mumma kiss it better”
My brother said “I’m here for you”
My sister said “Colourful”
And all the voices joined together and said “Are you ok?
And I said “I don’t know”
❤️❤️❤️
This is great Kat! I’m so happy your thriving!😘
Keep going strong my beautiful angel.. so proud of the progress you’ve made, on overcoming your fears and listening to your most precious heart and clever head. You are and will always be my shining star, my beautiful Kat.
Love you xxx
Thank you, my beautiful friend. I love you very much xxxx