This week I was asked what kind of love I think I deserve
This troubled me. The use of the word ‘deserve’ made me feel uncomfortable. I believe I’m a good person but I didn’t know if that was enough to warrant me ‘deserving’ any kind of love. I might have to change my attitude on this because in my recent experiences, the love that I’ve been tolerating and accepting have been less than desirable. If I believed that I deserved better, perhaps I would experience a better kind of love.
It reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years back, “I Don’t Belong Here.” I wrote it because I didn’t believe I belonged in solitude, singleness and loneliness. If I remember the last verse of this poem, it could serve in me finding a beautiful relationship.
I Don't Belong here
I don’t belong here
On the outside
Looking in
On your picture of happiness
The love and the warmth
That you are cloaked in
You look splendid.
I don’t belong here
In the dark
In the shadows
While you shine bright
With an arm around your shoulder
And love in your pocket
You’re on cloud nine.
I don’t belong here
In the cold
Shivering to my bones
When there’s fire in your chest
And passion in your eyes
You’re ablaze with radiance
You’re consumed by love.
I don’t belong here
In the quiet
In the stillness
While you dance to melodies
And your heart’s racing
Beating like a drum
You’re a thousand little love songs
I don’t belong here
All alone
Detached from society
While you lead your own
With vision and courage
Humour and wisdom
You’re the master of your home.
I belong
In the comfort of an embrace
In the view of a loving gaze
In the presence of laughter and joy
Secrets and whispers
And dreams of a future
That’s where I belong.